Autie P don't play! (Open to Boris, Dunn, Suf Mysterio, and Kualani)

[Big Daddy Deuce]

Static takes over the 'tron and the sounds of radio static and channel surfing are heard.
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RADIO: <static>...Evil Woman (Electric Light Orchestra)...Witchy woman (Eagles)...Your wretched little lives, have all been cursed, 'cause of all the witches working, I'm the worst! I put a spell on you and now you're mine!(Bette Midler)...
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The static is replaced by the image of an older woman in a white bonnet sitting, but the camera angle is facing straight down from the ceiling above her.
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Aunt Petunia:Hello? Hello, where is everyone?looks off-cameraYou said this button, right? No? That one? Oh, thank you, young man...
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At the push of a button on the remote in her hand, the screen rights itself to a frontal view of what looks to be Big Daddy Deuce dressed as an old woman, complete with horn-rimmed glasses, white bonnet and blouse, with a blue apron.
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Aunt Petunia:Ah, that's much better. Bless your little hearts. Ah'd like to call shenanigans on the shady to-doings of last Thursday. I watched as my sweet Wayne, I mean Deuce, took that Dyno-midget Dunn to the woodshed. That is, until his partner... boyfriend... better half, that no-good-nik commie bas...ahem...Boris Bad-Breath came out the crowd like a thief in the night to take my boy's debut victory away. Now, I don't know what y'all do around here in situations like this. In Memphis, the Big M town, where we got us both a King of Rock & Roll (Lord bless his soul) AND a King of wrestling, we have ways of dealing with your kind. Neither of y'all ain't too big for ole Aunt P to take over her knee to tan your hides!
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But, that'd be too good for the likes of you. So, I'm askin' real nice like...if EFW management knows what's good for them...they'll book my boy Wayne and that high-flying Surf Mystery to a match against the Least-West Connection, tonight. Trust me when I say, it can get mighty cold if justice is not served.
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Just then, Big Daddy Deuce comes into frame!
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Big Daddy Deuce:Aunt Petunia? When I went home for supper and saw you were gone, I just KNEW you'd come here. We talked about this when I left home...I gotta' fight my own fights. I was gonna' call shenanigans and ask for that there match myself, but tell me...you and your friends didn't go and put the 'whammy' on anybody, did ya'? Please, tell me you didn't.
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Aunt Petunia:No, baby, it ain't gone that far...YET. You know we don't call on our 'dark' friends lightly. He, he...now, let's let these fine folks get back to their regular-scheduled programmin' while we get you suited up. I have a good feelin' you and that nice little Mysterious fella's gonna be busy later tonight. Who's your Auntie?
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Aunt Petunia points the remote at the camera and clicks the screen blank.